神無月

It's already October. Where did all the time go since that fateful March announcement? Hm. 

It's been hard. All the memories I've wanted to process and save, but with so many other things going on, the emotional drain is just too big. Reason for all the delay too, I suppose, pushing it all away, later, tomorrow, another time... Because even thinking of it is painful. And jumping into this particular pile of leaves like this is even more taxing. 

So many things. Around me, family, friends, life in general - and yet, none of them is good to get some strength or energy from. Nothing to be happy about.  And so DF? As if Japanese itself didn't make it impossible for me to figure things out, I don't really have anyone to turn to with any of this either. It just feels like I'm constantly tired, mentally and emotionally, too much to want to get close to DF. Which is ... even more painful, in a different way. Because I want to. Engage and cherish and remember and live it all. But as much as going to my pictures folder is almost enough to have me break into tears, so I'm not sure rewatching the anime or listening to all the music would be great ideas. I know I should, but I don't know if I want to.

And now the final is upon us. Having contributed to a flower stand is good... Some sort of connection at least. We even know the merchandise that's gonna be available, and while the thing I was hoping for didn't end up being a thing, there are a few I'd like to have. Even gonna be some post-event online sale, apparently - on Japanese sites again. Like, just another wall again. 

I just-....