FINAL STAGE vs. ENDLESS STAGE

I'm cold and it seems like the gods decided to mourn too - in other words, it's raining over here. Which at least seems to give an actual autumnal vibe to the weather, at least. But that's neither here, nor there...

This week's been so weird. Everything seems to be a slow process: waking up, getting anything done, progressing from morning to evening, watching whichever TV show or anime. They feel like they take forever to finish, and perhaps it's because I can't really enjoy any of it, because it doesn't really keep me engaged at all? Perhaps it's because I can't even discuss any of it with anyone anymore, because there's nobody around?

I've asked this before, but it's on my mind once again: how are you expected to celebrate something that you know is gonna end?

A friend's a grandma is actually dying, after an incident last weekend she wasn't even expected to live through this week. It's strangely coincidental, this vague parallel... in a way even disturbing. Certainly doesn't help put my mind at ease, if anything it upsets me more. I should be there for them more, even if all I can do is listen - but I find I can barely even do that just now. 

Tried a larger game community too... After reading through the novel-length abouts & rules & guidelines, and looking through everything, and watching conversations from afar, and discovering how people I thought I've known are so well-connected and integrated - I ended up leaving after about a day. It's happened too many times: watching things unfold, trying to get involved and noticed but only being ignored, it sort of becomes this giant weight that just crushes me and becomes too much to put up with (or to ignore), and so I rather just break away. Not that that's good either. I'm just even colder and more uncomfortable in the dark silence. And that game I've been a lot worse at than usual, failing a bunch of stuff I didn't use to fail.

And DF? I have the music playing - muted, because it hurts. I can't stand even opening Twitter this week. I'm used to all the moon runes, but now it's all DF all the time, and - I know I shouldn't see it. Another thing I couldn't be a part of, and yet it hurts too much because despite that it's meant so much. At least some of the final merch I could actually obtain....... if only I had enough money on my account, which won't happen until November, by which time everything will, most probably, be sold out. I actually have the banknotes here in my hand.

Final stage... A certain game uses "stages" for its event, stage as in phase/tier/level of course, but that's a minor detail. After completing the story, there's the "extra" or "bonus" or whatever you want to call it: Endless Stage, because it can be done continuously until the whole event actually concludes. 

ALL FOR TOMORROW!!!!!!! should have been an Endless Stage, instead of a final one. The future shouldn't be final.